


Animal I Have Become

by triggeringthehealing (froggydarren)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anchors, First Full Moon, Gen, Human Derek Hale, M/M, Werewolf Stiles Stilinski, iTunes shuffle writing exercise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 11:59:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2268852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/froggydarren/pseuds/triggeringthehealing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Now, though, he can feel the wolf's urges take over, can sense how animalistic he's becoming, and he doesn't know how to fight it. Doesn't know if he wants to, because the pull he feels is directed at the missing wolf that used to be a part of Derek.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Animal I Have Become

**Author's Note:**

  * For [biddybee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/biddybee/gifts).



> I was stuck in a writing block, so this was an exercise to get the words going.
> 
> 1\. Pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like.  
> 2\. Turn on your music player and put it on random/shuffle.  
> 3\. Write a drabble related to each song that plays. You only have the time frame of the song to finish the drabble; you start when the song starts, and stop when it’s over. No lingering afterwards!  
> 4\. Do ten of these, then post them.

**1\. Animal I Have Become - Three Days Grace**

                There was no telling beforehand how he'd react to being turned. It's not that he never wanted to, not as a general rule -- he only rejected Peter because it was _Peter_ and when he was Alpha, he was vicious and monstrous -- but Stiles hesitated for a reason. He liked, minus the regular being on death's door factor, being human, being the steady point for Scott's humanity, the reminder of what Scott used to be.

                And -- not like he'd admit it to even himself -- he was an anchor to humanity for others; for Isaac because the pup was attached to protecting Stiles' life and for Derek, because… no, Stiles never did figure out _why_ he was an anchor for Derek.

                Now, though, he can feel the wolf's urges take over, can sense how animalistic he's becoming, and he doesn't know how to fight it. Doesn't know if he wants to, because the pull he feels is directed at the missing wolf that used to be a part of Derek.

 

**2\. Black Chandelier - Biffy Clyro**

                So much of the old house is dark, charred, covered in soot and black, so very black and depressing. Stiles looks around and sighs, trying to balance out taking in the smells in the house while he's also trying to not let them overwhelm him.

                He can't control it, can't figure out how to not let the animal in him win, and can't stop shifting at the most inappropriate times. He saw the look in Derek's eyes, the disappointment and disdain for Stiles' lack of self-control when the fangs and claws showed again. That's why Stiles ran here, to the ruins that are now way less dangerous. He'll heal if anything falls, if he falls through the floorboards, if anything lands on him.

                The only thing he doesn't want is the person who's walking through the hole in the side of the house. Because if Derek's there, if Stiles has his scent surrounding him, there's no chance of being in control. The smell of wolfsbane from the gun tucked in Derek's waistband tells him that if things don't go well -- and that's all too likely -- only one of them will walk out of the house in the morning.

**3\. I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - Glee Cast**

                Shadows are all that he can see, dark corners and the deep crevices in between the light of the mood. He wanted this so much before, craved Derek's presence, but now that it's there, it doesn't feel like what Stiles was looking for. It feels _wrong_ , like one of them is incomplete and broken.

                He wants to believe it's Derek, that it's because he's human now, that his wolf is missing and that's why Stiles can't connect to him right. But a little nudge from the wolf that he's now trying to reign in tells Stiles that it's on him; that he's the one who's not right like this. His wolf craved Derek's from the first moment, like the human side of Stiles craved everything that was human about Derek. Now that a part is missing, now that they've lost the balance again, Stiles is back to searching for it.

**4\. Cough Syrup - Darren Criss**

                The night is halfway over and they're both alive. Stiles considers it a win, though it’s barely a consolation to how they're circling each other but staying out of each other's way. The faint smell of gunpowder and wolfsbane is all over the house and he knows Derek's finger is on the trigger. That it has been there from the first flash of Stiles' blue eyes, and that Derek would maybe hesitate before pulling it. Maybe.

                Stiles wishes a little bit that Derek would just go ahead. He can feel the tug of the wolf, can feel the way his control is slipping and the claws are digging into his thighs. The pain helped at first, but now it's just a reminder of what he's become, and it does nothing to remind him of his human side. It's the first full moon, the first proper shift, but he still feels like he's losing.

**5\. Dream - Michael Buble**

                It's an echo of what he thought was a dream only, until Derek told him otherwise. The light is not warm but cool like the moon itself, and it's falling on both of them through the gaps in the roof. He's the one now looking at his hands while Derek -- finger still on the trigger -- is standing above him and watching.

                "I can't do this," Stiles whispers. "I can't. Not without…"

                He drifts off, because he hasn't told Derek about feeling what his anchor is, or about his feelings even before he got the Bite. He can't tell Derek now, and because he does remember Derek's vision from when Kate shot him, Stiles doesn't want to risk the same thing happening here.

                _Is this even a dream?_

                It feels like a dream, with Derek's expression being fond and caring instead of that of a fighter ready to take down the monster in Stiles. The monster that Stiles is now, lacking control, his anchor so close and yet completely out of reach.

                "You can, Stiles," Derek whispers back to him, his voice soft and muffled in the same haze as the rest of their surroundings. "I'm here, you _can_."

**6\. Someone's Watching Over Me - Hilary Duff**

                It's slow going, as the night progresses after the dream. He's still calling it a dream, because when he finally opened his eyes, Derek wasn't by his side. Stiles isn't sure if it's a good sign or bad, but he remembers the details and he can feel -- smell, sense, almost taste -- Derek's presence, even if he's not in sight.

                _You can, Stiles_.

                The words repeat in Stiles' mind like a broken record, but it's what he needs, it's what the remnants of his humanity need to stay in control. He wonders in some moments if it's what his subconscious summoned up so he can keep himself in check. But his subconscious is his wolf right now, so Stiles isn't sure.

                He can feel the eyes on him, green and entirely human, and it's enough right then.

**7\. Georgia On My Mind - Van Morrison**

                Scott and Isaac try to come into the house, not oblivious to Derek's presence but obviously keen to _help_ , to do something like Stiles did at the first full moon for Scott. He's out of his mind then, doesn't know which way is up and everything -- his struggle to keep himself calm and not wolfed out -- is inside his head at that point. Scott's hands on him feel wrong, like he's being touched by something that pushes him to shift.

                Isaac's whispers about trying to get through to Stiles' wolf, about how giving in to the wolf instincts might help reach Stiles' mind and he growls. It's enough to make his mind reach for the dream again, for the image of Derek, for the humanity in his anchor.

**8\. Why Does Everybody Hurt - Sasha**

                "No, Derek, you can't go there now!" Scott's voice is strong, definite, forceful.

                _Alpha_ , Stiles thinks. _My Alpha_.

                "Scott, he's…" Derek's voice is quieter and Stiles recognizes the defiance that he used to have in his voice before the Bite.

                He wonders how Derek and Scott ever put up with it. How they managed to not wolf out at the fierce resistance to being led, to listening to the Alpha tone in their voices. He can hear Derek's faint protests, but it's a losing game for him as human. Stiles whimpers when he realizes that Scott is keeping Derek away, but it's quiet and weak, because he knows that Derek can't be near him now.

**9\. Defying Gravity - Chris Colfer**

                So many clichés cross their minds as the dawn comes nearer. How _love_ saved everything, how love was exactly what Stiles needed to feel to come back from losing his control to the wolf. How it's the human who defied the pull of the moon on all three wolves in the house. How Stiles needed to believe in himself to control his shift.

                But it doesn't matter, because he's here now, he's as human as he'll ever possibly be again, the fangs and claws are retracted. He's muttering to himself quietly enough that he knows only Scott and Isaac can hear him, though by the time he's on the fifth repeat of the words, they're far enough from the house that he's really only talking to himself.

                "I can, I'm stronger than this, I won't hurt you," Stiles whispers as he clings to the image of Derek leaning against the other side of the wall Stiles is slumped against. "I can, I'm stronger…"

**10\. Nobody Knows - P!nk**

                "Hey, I'm here now."

                There's warmth from the arms wrapped around Stiles' shoulders, steady breathing and a stuttering heartbeat. He's pulled into an embrace as the first rays of the sun flood the broken house, his hands shaking as the claws retract again -- he could feel them when Derek approached before the sun came up -- and his mind clears.

                "I can't," he mumbles and the arms around him tighten in response.

                _I'm scared, Derek,_ Stiles thinks, but can't bring himself to say the words out loud.

                He can feel Derek's slow and calming breathing, the heartbeat skipping only when Stiles moves closer against Derek's chest.

                "It's my turn to ground you," Derek whispers into Stiles' hair and their fingers link. "I'm here."

                It's everything Stiles wanted to say before he was turned, everything he was too afraid to feel and think when he was the human counterpart to Derek's wolf. It's everything.


End file.
